A blog I read today at http://www.themiddlefingerproject.org/18-ways-to-avoid-becoming-a-human-robot-and-why-circles-are-better-than-lines/ fired up my brain action. I've read uplifting and inspiring things on this blog before, and this is no exception. It began by making an analogy between a line on a sheet of paper and the divisions people make between their characteristics and those of others; how the author didn't like drawing lines as a kid and would rather draw swirly circles. It went on to discuss how limiting it is to let these divisions rule our lives and how great it is to erase those lines through personal interaction with people.
(This is a great point. I created a neckpiece based on this theme called Genericity/Generosity, asking: How do we stay sane in such generic surroundings? We reach out to people! I'll discuss it in the next piece I write; it's a long story. Hope it contributes to the excellent recent discussions of "Free" at http://www.craftypod.com/ and http://www.makeandmeaning.com/).
Back to the 18 Ways blog post. Next come some helpful examples of ways we can "at the very least, start turning them [the aforementioned limiting lines] into dotted lines." Many of these examples are top-notch, and I applaud her encouragement and the url links that can connect the reader to the International Rescue Committe (www.theirc.org/volunteer), Plant a Row (http://gardenwriters.org/gwa.php?p=par/index.html), http://www.familytofamily.org/, and other neat neat neat things.
In a few examples though, I see, oddly enough, new lines---less visible, perhaps more deeply rooted, and worth outing:
"After work, invite one of the cleaning staff to happy hour."
"Purchase a hot dog and go find a homeless person to give it to."
"Bring ice teas out to the people landscaping your yard."
"Be kind to telemarketers."
Time for a deep breath. Mmmmmm inhale... whooooooohhhaaaahhhh exhale. Much as I appreciate the author's intent, I gotta say something. It's in the interest of human progress and world peace. I especially don't want a single one of her readers to have a bad experience that makes them give up on reaching out.
Ever do something nice to someone who looks like they need your help, only to get the sense that you just insulted them? Or they didn't seem grateful? Or they actually expressed resentment? I hope not, but just in case, here are some things to keep in mind:
Why are you reaching out to this person? Is it to bolster your sense of how nice you can be, or is it because they interest you? Have you considered whether they are interested in you? Do they need you to talk to them?
Assuming you work in a place that has a "cleaning staff", can they afford the time and/or money it takes to go to happy hour with you? Does happy hour happen when they are still at work? Do they have to pay a late fee if they don't pick up their kid from daycare on time? Have you ascertained whether alcohol is a problem for them? What would you do if one of the "cleaning staff" asked you to happy hour?
Does that homeless person eat hot dogs, or are they vegan/wheat-allergic/etc.? What will you do after they eat the hot dog and you've had a nice chat? (One of my co-workers became homeless, and stayed that way while working full time. He had two kids; his wife was an alcoholic and "lost" money regularly. He would throw that hot dog right back in your f^c#in' face, except that he died of cancer years ago). I'm sorry to lay it out like this, but I don't want this to happen to you, disappoint you, cause you to doubt yourself, and then flip out and attend the next teabagger rallly.
Landscapers are paid by the job, not by the hour. Don't be offended if they're reluctant to lounge around on their own unpaid time acting nice to the lady of the house. They might want to finish the job and get home before sunset to have a nice cold beer with their spouse instead. No offense, but maybe the spouse finally got the night off.
Telemarketers: From a telemarketer's point of view, you are the enemy, whether you "TD" (turn down) politely, "TD" rudely, or even buy the product or give to the charity. You're an idiot for doing it (buying/donating), you're an ass#ole for not doing it. The telemarketer feels like an idiot for being in the business at all, but your sympathy is not going to get him off that phone.
If this frustrates you and makes you mad, I can see why. It doesn't make sense, right? There are hurting people out there, and you are just trying to reach out and make life a little more cheery! Keep up the cheer. Don't give up.
Just be real with people. I've heard first hand from a person of color that he would rather deal with a person who declares themself a racist than someone who is racist but doesn't realize it. Would you rather be told that there's a minefield nearby, or be told about the beautiful meadow with flowers and butterflies and then find out the hard way that it's a minefield? People can smell fake a mile away, more so in person than on a blog.
Please note that these are only four out of 18 ideas, and they and the rest of the list are great ideas when handled well. The only other "line" I still see that underlies the article are the implied characteristics of the people it urges away from robotdom. When you read the article, do you picture an African-American cello player/teacher reading it? A 22-year old Caucasian factory worker with a bad back who happens to be the biggest Ozzy fan in the hemisphere? A retail clerk with a 2-year old and an abusive boyfriend? Would they take you to happy hour? Would you accept?
There are plenty of people who, I'll freely admit, I wouldn't knowingly get within half a mile of. I also freely admit that this group of people will shrink, grow, shrink again, and change as I gather up new experiences. For example, at one point in my life, my mom was one of those people. Now she's not. Mom 1986 was toxic to me at the time; Mom 2010 is much less toxic. Teresa 2010 is a different person than Teresa 1986 (pardon the third-person thing).
In any case, read this: It busts a lot of myths and explains a lot of things, such as why poor people so often vote against their own interests: http://exiledonline.com/elite-versus-elitny/
Choose your tribe well, and don't think you're stuck with it! Thanks to Ashley Ambirge, who created the original thought-provoking article.
florence
18 hours ago
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